Lolcals Adventure - Prepare thy Anus

Yay Hidden Arsenal 7 is out.  I bought two boxes for 100 each which fucking sucks thanks to pack prices in Canada being awful.  We Canadians get fucked in the ass by Yu-Gi-Oh! on a regular basis but that's alright.  I was able to get everything I needed to build the deck that fucks pounds asses just as well if not better; Evilswarm.

After some minor trades and mooching I was able to build the deck exactly as I wanted and figured this would be a good of a chance to test it as any.  While it may be odd that a dragon player like myself would even touch this deck given that Ophion is such a bitch to deal with you've got to keep in mind that Ophion himself is not only a Dragon but he's one that also savages the anuses of several decks by being on the field.

Basically he's a different kind of Koa'ki Meiru Drago and it happens to be that our locals are very weak to this Dark Type Koa'ki Meiru Drago.  That and I've always enjoyed the sit on a tank and grind out your win playstyle that this deck, Gladiator Beasts and Hero Beat employ.  Classic Disaster Dragon was also exceptional at this as outside of Future Fusion plays you would trade one for ones while poking with Drago, Masked and REDMD before going for a kill.  I'll also say to the people who will bitch about me being a dickrider that I don't fucking care what you think.  I have a genuine interest in this deck along with all of the other Hidden Arsenal archetypes.

Except Gusto.  Fuck them.  They're shitawful.

Tournament time!

Round 1 - vs Gallis Agent 

Game 1 - Honest fucks me in the ass.

Game 2 - Maxx "C" and Ophion fuck him in the ass.

Game 3 - See above.  Ophion.  Anus.  Fucked.

1-0

Round 2 - vs Mono Mermail (Megamonkey666) 

Game 1 - I take it in the ass.

Game 2 - He takes it in the ass.

Game 3 - Abysslead savages my hand and by that I mean my anus through using his effect three times.  Both of us fail to realize he can only tribute attack monsters which is a terrible oversight given how experienced we are with the deck.  I blame my mistake on worrying if I could even sit on a chair after this savaging.

1-1

Round 3  - vs Evols 

Game 1 - Not one but TWO Ophion pound him in the anus.  It was not pretty.

Game 2 - Ophion isn't done with that ass yet.

2-1

Top 8 - Win

My opponent never showed up.  Clearly he knew about the amount of anuses that I had been savaging with Ophion and ran away before his was next.  So I ended up playing a Samurai deck for fun while waiting out the round.  Ophion fucked up that ass so hard I honestly wonder if he'll be able to sit for the rest of this week.

3-1

Top 4 - vs Mono Mermail (Megamonkey)

Game 1 - The ass.  Ophion gives it the D.

Game 2  - Ophion and two Soul Drains wreck that ass.

Final - vs Geargia Karakuri

Game 1 - Ophion pounds that ass then his own ass gets pounded.  Then my ass takes it before I retaliate with extreme anal savagery and win before the store closes.

Draw

I pull a Trap Stun from Astral Pack 2 and we head to Robins for food and comfy chairs to ease the pain of our anuses getting reamed so badly.  

I proceed to have some games of Pokemon with Monkey with him eventually using my Speedquaza deck against my Blastoise.  We drag out the game a bit because he wants to see just how much damage I can do with a Mewtwo EX that is heavily stacked with energy.   Between my near 20 Energy and his own attachments I hit for a massive 380 damage that TEARS THAT ASS UP A NEW ONE.  MAXIMUM ANAL RAPEAGE.

Oh and also wrecked anuses and by that I mean one person's with Monarchs because I'm fucking awesome at this game and everyone else only exists to bend over and take it without tears.

This entire tournament report style inspired much by something?  Perhaps.  Now bend over.  Your ass is next.

Props

-Sending several people to the proctologist

-Building an entire Evilswarm Deck out of two boxes of HA7 and 3 trades.

-Getting the core pieces of Constellars and the last monsters needed for Gishki and Gem-Knights

-Hitting for nearly 400 damage in Pokemon.  Suck my Basilicock Kyurem EX with Crystal Wall.

Slops

-Needing to see the proctologist as well.

-Not catching the misuse of Abysslead's effect.  Tsk tsk

-Not being able to send more people to the proctologist.  There were only so many asses to give the Evilswarm D to.

A Pokemon Post? What the!?

Yeah this kinda happened.  I ended up having Wednesday off which happens to be when my locals holds a 2 hour Pokemon Session (TCG and Video game matches) so I opted to go since I hadn't had any chance to play the TCG in months.  I arrive and buy five packs of Boundaries Crossed and pull a Secret Rare Shiny Golurk and Gold Potion ACE Speck.  Bitchin.  I proceeded to trade those off for a Dragons Exhalted Rayquaza, 3 Dark Trance Hydregion, Scyther EX and 7 energy so I could finish my AMAZING TROLL DECK.

SpeedQuaza vs Lugia/Ho-Oh/Mewtwo EX

Game 1 - He opens with Sigilyph which I auto lose to.  SCOOP

Game 2 - I do AMAZING because I hit 3 Energy off of Celestial Roar and it goes from there.

Game 3 - I lose to a combination of Hypnotoxic Laser and Gold Breaker and not having another mon on the bench.

SpeedQuaza vs Steel Deck

Game 1 - I donk him after two turns

Game 2 - He gets Plasma Kling Klang out and I lose because this deck can't deal with things immune to EX Attackers.

SpeedQuaza vs Dragon Deck

Game 1 - I misplayed several times with my energy attatchments which kept me from being able to attack for several turns, then got killed by an opposing Rayquaza.

Game 2 - He tanks behind several dragons as I keep KOing his guys.

Game 3 - He sets up a fast Dragonite but then I Dragon Burst it for 360 damage and donk him gloriously.

After this I switch decks.

Blastoise/Keldeo vs Lugia Ho-Oh/Mewtwo EX

Game 1 - I get the turn 2 Bastoise and a strong field of attackers but run out of steam after being N'd three times and not being able to play around his Mewtwos.

Game 2 - I open absolute shit and get donked.  My hand was 2 Juniper, 2 Energy Retrieval and a Blastoise and I drew that kind of hand again after being N'd.

Blastoise/Keldeo vs Lugia Ho-Oh/Mewtwo EX

Game 1 - This one was crazy as we both mulligan'd give times and I mulligan'd a sixth time opening with 2 Keldeos and a Mewtwo with an extremely shitty hand.  He opens up with Mewtwo and a Landorus so I make it a point to slow attach a DCE and a Water to Keldeo then I catcher up his Landorus for the easy knock out and I get the ball rolling off my Prizes (more Catcher).  We go back and forth with our guys and it comes down to my 2 Prizes left to his four, staring down a Mewtwo, a Victini and a Ho-Oh EX while I have a no energy Keldeo, a DCE, Catch er and Juniper in hand with a Squirtle on the bench.  I catcher up his Ho-Oh, attach the DCE and proceed to say, "YORU!" while playing the Juniper.

I draw into a into two Rare Candy, a Water Energy, an Ultra Ball, N, Skyla and Juniper.  My god did I ever sack off of that.

Anyway I Ultra Ball out the Blastoise and Rare Candy it onto the board, Deluge the water energy and attack the Ho-Oh for enough that he's sitting at 20 HP.  My opponent swiches out into a Mewtwo with 3 Energy on it and hits my Keldeo for a near KO but not enough.  I draw for turn and Skyla out my last Catcher, bring up that Ho-Oh and knock it out for the game.  I R SO GUD!

After that we had to leave as it was past 6 and I overall had a very good game against someone who like me knows how to properly play Pokemon.  Until I can get people from the Yu-Gi-Oh! Group who are open minded to play the game (exception being Megamonkey as he's always had an interest in playing) this guy will no doubt be my most challenging opponent at locals as including us two there are only 3-4 people who play Pokemon with a competitive mindset.

Props
-Now being able to build Darkrai/Hydregion....far too late.
-Opening with one of my four Rayquaza in all but one of my games.  That time I mulligan'd 5 times and drew two of him.
-Fucking shit up with Blastoise/Keldeo at last...even if one of my games was failure.
-That last turn play before closing.
-Pulling GOD from a mere five packs once again.

Slops
-Misplays.  Too many times I mismanaged my energy attachments with Rayquaza and had to wait extra turns to attack.
-Saying YORU with the accent in front of two people from Japan.  They didn't notice so no awkwardness was had but still.  Eep.

Cardfight!! Vanguard Tournament Report - What Are the Chances?

What.

No I'm serious.  I'm doing a report for Vanguard today.  In fact today was a special 3v3 Team Tournament with a Nats invite on the line for the top two teams.  Now sadly some things kept it from being like I imagined (3 people dueling simultaneously) but the overall experience sounded promising and I liked the idea of partnering up with people I knew (in this case it was Megamonkey666) and forming a team in which the power and friendship and courage and all that shit would conquer all.

4Kids' writing staff would have a FIELD day with this.

Anyway our team consisting of myself, megamonkey666 and a man known as Liam were team Abyssal Fire Storm spelling be damned and our decks were Narukami, Kagero and Shadow Paladin respectively.  I'd say that our team was overall very good thanks to a combination of skill and deck power between us.  Arguably I had the weakest deck of the team as while Vermillion is a great card Narukami have some major consistency issues compared to its big brother Kagero (and my lack of competitive play can also be an issue as I don't quite know how to play against a lot of the top decks) while monkey had the most power thanks to DOTE while Liam had the most balance (Crossrides and Perfect Guards).  Our order ended up with myself as first, monkey with second and Liam for game 3 as we wanted to try and play to our deck strengths against the most stacked team of the tournament.  Guess who we had to face round 1?

Round 1 (0-2)

Game 1 - Narukami vs Nova Grappler (Loss)

There is one thing you guys have to know about me and this game.  I.  Draw.  Shit.

A running gag around here is "Drawing a Dana hand" which means you open with a handful of triggers, put them back into the deck for the mulligan and DRAW TRIGGERS.

Yeah this happened at the worst possible time and while I can't blame my loss completely on it the fact of the matter is I opened god awful against a more consistent deck and player and basically was done after a couple turns and a few stand triggers on his part.

Game 2 - Kagero vs Kagero (Loss)

Megamonkey was sadly the victim of a double trigger sack off of twin drive.

So we are disappoint.

Round 2 (2-0)

Game 1 - Narukami vs Neo Nectar (Win)

This was a complete blowout.  My opponent was new to the game (and basically wasn't committed to it as we both dicked around before making plays) and Narukami kinda destroy this deck.  Dragonic Kaiser Vermillion can singlehandedly break up any board control the deck has thanks to his counterblast and it kind of happens here.  Also for once I get some lucky trigger breaks.

Game 2 - Kagero vs I don't even know (Win)

I don't even remember how this one turned out.  I'm sure monkey can tell me what to put here.

Round 3 (0-2)

Game 1 - Narukami vs Oracle Think Tank (Loss)

So he gets a Silent Tom out but I have a Perfect Guard in case I'm in danger.  My hand is set to annihilate his board with Vermillion and I'm sitting at 3 damage.  Worst case scenario I'm going into my turn at 4 or 5 damage so I opt not to use my perfect guard on my opponent's Vanguard attack.  What are the chances he'll double crit and beat me right there?

He gets a double critical and beats me right there. I was completely dumbfounded and extremely upset at the outcome.  I outright said to my opponent "Good sack" when he said "GG" then got up and left.  No raging or throwing salt.  Just walking away.

Game 2 - Kagero vs Shadow Paladin (Loss)

Monkey sadly has one of those games where he's drawing his triggers instead of checking them and the opponent happens to have a crapton of hand resources.  He managed to get DOTE out but vs 13 cards in hand even he's got limits.  Then the opponent double triggers him for the win.

So we are both very salty.  I misplayed (or did I get unlucky?), monkey got shafted and Liam hasn't played a game yet.  At this point all we could do is win the next round to finish at five hundred.

Round 4 (2-0)

Game 1 - Narukami vs Nova Grappler (Win)

This one was the new ride chain build that I barely remember.  Anyway I get a clutch Thunderstorm Dragoon as my hand was full of Grade 1s and 3s (including Vermillion) and I proceed to dominate his field as he's stuck sitting on a grade 2 for several turns.  He eventually goes off and amasses a large field but then Vermillion clears things up and I outgrind him.

Game 2 - Kagero vs Dimension Police

Enigman build.  I saw the guy put his Enigman to near 30000 at several points but monkey thankfully has enough hand resources to guard the attacks.  He drops DOTE early and constantly pressures the opponent into guarding his attacks out of fear of that Persona Blast and eventually he outgrinds him and wins.

Final Record 2-2

So we leave after this and buy packs from the shop upstairs.  From a mere 5 Pokemon Emerging Powers I get TWO POKEMON CATCHER.  BOO FUCKING YEAR!!!  Also I pull an ulti Glow-Up Bulb.  Yaaaaay.  This somewhat made up for an otherwise shitty tournament.

Props
-Fucking shit up with my team mates.  Dragonic Kaiser Vermillion and Dragonic Overlord/The End got in there.
-Pulling amazing.

Slop
-Misplays
-Getting trigger sacked.